What exactly is the culprit here? They haven’t changed. They’re still doing the same exact things you used to find so endearing. Yep. You guessed it. YOU changed. And truly it’s probably not even your fault. It’s all the little things. Believe it or not it probably has NOTHING to do with the person you’re pissy with.
Ever notice (and yes even I do it) that the closer you are to someone… the easier it is to forget the pleasantries? Many times we’re kinder to strangers than those closest to us. Can you imagine snapping at someone you’d just met because they spilled their drink? Or telling another mother in the pick up line at school to “shut up” because she’s telling the same goddamn story about her snot nosed son she’s told for the last week straight? Okay if you DO do that… forget this whole post and carry on. You’re braver than me and I feel a bit inadequate. Buh-bye.
We feel as if we almost have an unalienable right to take out our bad days on the ones we love. A bad day at work or school or life in general… money problems… impotence (hey it could happen)… in-laws… blah blah blah… yadda yadda yadda… gives us the right to isolate or snap at someone or generally act like a douche-canoe. It doesn’t. It just DOESN’T give us that right.
Most of us “let our guard down” or stop “courting” after a while. We’ve got the prize heifer (just an expression calm down) and we get our milk for free. We stop working at it, stop bringing flowers home, stop making the hubsters favorite meal and think “Dammit all he’s lucky I cook for him at all… after all I do around here”. Sometimes we even stop the foreplay and just think “Let”s just have a quickie”. Yeah. That kinda bullshit.
We stop trying. We become critical and less mindful of the feelings of our significant others. But here’s a news flash… there’s more than the obvious danger of taking someone for granted and them not taking your bullshit anymore. Sure, losing that person is the ultimate consequence. But what’s to say it won’t happen again? And again? And again? And yet again? Because the ultimate consequence is that you’re not happy with yourself.
If you say you’re bored… then YOU ARE BORING. If you don’t put the effort into your partner… then YOU ARE TO BLAME.
Imagine if you tried… at least once a day to list all the good things about your partner. Write out all the things that made you love them in the first place. And then… at least once a day SAY SOMETHING FUCKING NICE.
That’s it. It’s not rocket science. It’s not even neuroscience. It’s common sense. What you focus on… becomes crystal clear. If all you see is negative then do yourself a favor… become single and work on your damn self before someone else has to be subjected to your malarkey.
Treat your loved ones kindly. Make them a priority. Do your very best to continue “courtship”. Make it a point to focus on the positive. Take care of your problems and don’t sulk like a pouty two year old. If you have a legitimate problem freaking discuss it in a rational way. If you can’t be rational, take a moment and calm yourself (you can write it out… that always helps me).
You owe it to yourself and those that love you to be the best you can be… for them and you. Don’t take love for granted. It’s a precious thing. Drive each other crazy… but in the very best way possible.