Sometimes we focus so much on what is wrong that we forget to remember beauty that is all around us.
A kind word. A smile. Seeing two people really in love. Holding a little hand. Being held by strong arms. A sincere compliment out of the blue. An unexpected treasure. Serendipity.
It’s all about how we tint our glasses.
How we view the world is shaped by these perceptionary spectacles, and of course our perception is molded by experience. For example, I’ve always been taught to be stoic, to observe the problems in my life but to suffer silently because that’s just what women do. Lessons learned from baby boomer parental units who completely missed the whole hippie thing.
We serve. We honor. We do it without complaint or concern for ourselves. We cook and clean and caretake and fold and wash and scrub and transport and feed and vacuum and listen and nurture… with a smile. I’m sure many men have been taught the same lesson;provide for the family without so much as a peep about you because that’s what men do. This isn’t a gender post but I don’t have a penis so I can’t speak for men. I’m good with that)
Asking for what I needed in a relationship was a no-no. My family operated under the premise “If you don’t care enough to know what’s wrong then you don’t care enough”. Ugh. Mind reader-ism. Never ends well.
So, with all that semi-ugly back history unloaded, I work (and am working) to diligently focus on changing my tint. Painting the landscape with self care and seeing the best in myself AND others.
If we focus on the negative in another person (spouse, child, friends, whomsoevers) then that is what we will always see. Everyone has flaws but sometimes our tint magnifies these things. Remember this if you don’t read anything else I write this morning…
We treat others how we feel about ourselves.
If I don’t like me and judge me… and have unrealistic expectations of me… then certainly that will be projected to you somehow… someway. Get those glasses cleaned and start seeing the colors all around. SEE yourself for the
amazing, capable person you are. Flawed? Of course. But some of the very best characteristics… the most endearing things in others… are flaws. Perfection doesn’t exist.
Find your tint.
photo by Dylan Porteus www.flickr.com/photos/dylanporteus/